Get rid of inferiority complex with 4 tips to build children’s self-confidence

Get rid of inferiority complex with 4 tips to build children’s self-confidence

Written by: Director of Curriculum and Training, FQ Education Association
Mr. Johnny Kwan

 

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Parents always hope that their children can become optimistic, positive and confident people. But today, there are more and more children with psychological inferiority complex. How should parents deal with it? In fact, to build children’s self-confidence, you can refer to the following 4 methods.

  1. Find out the cause and prescribe the right medicine.
    Many children’s inferiority complex is not born from nature, but is caused by adults’ improper teaching. Some psychologists pointed out that many primary and secondary school students have weak self-awareness and often evaluate themselves based on adults’ opinions of themselves. Even if they have independent opinions, they are often one-sided.

Therefore, during this period, if teachers and parents improperly evaluate children’s abilities, it will hurt the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence, and easily cause the child to develop a sense of inferiority. Moreover, some parents criticize their children’s behavior a lot and nag them all day long. This kind of excessive evaluation can also cause their children to have a sense of inferiority. Some children will develop an inferiority complex due to poor academic performance or poor physical health. Therefore, when a child develops an inferiority complex, it is important to first analyze the cause.

 

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  1. The requirements must be appropriate and the evaluation must be reasonable.
    When parents help their children overcome their inferiority complex, they must understand their abilities and levels, make appropriate demands, and give reasonable evaluations. For example, if some children fail all exams, parents can first ask them to pass a certain subject. If the child meets the requirements, parents should give affirmation and encouragement before making further requirements.

During this process, parents should not worry about their children’s recurrences, and should not act too hastily. They should affirm their children’s hard work, patiently analyze the reasons for their children’s recurrences, and encourage their children to go all out. Only in this way can children see that they are making progress step by step, see the achievements they have made through hard work, enhance their confidence, and overcome their inferiority complex.

  1. Broaden your horizons and increase your knowledge
    When children with inferiority complex are related to their similar lack of knowledge and short-sightedness, when children of similar age get together, some talk about everything and talk vividly; some know nothing, are speechless, and have no knowledge. Children will naturally feel inferior when compared with others. Therefore, parents should consciously enrich their children’s knowledge, broaden their horizons, and improve their various abilities.

Parents can guide their children to read, take them to visit, etc., so that their children can also feel that they have knowledge, ability, and even no worse than others, so that they will gradually eliminate their inner inferiority complex.

 

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  1. Use magical methods to encourage
    Parents help their children overcome their sense of inferiority, and the most important thing is to respect and protect their self-esteem. For example, when a child’s test scores are unsatisfactory, parents should be considerate of their child’s mood, put themselves in their shoes, help their children analyze the reasons, and formulate measures rationally, instead of being emotional, sarcastic, sarcastic, blaming and complaining.

Criticism often has little effect on children with inferiority complex. On the contrary, praise and encouragement can often achieve unexpected results. Therefore, when children make progress, parents should praise and encourage them in time; when children have problems, parents should also affirm the positive aspects. This will not only help them rebuild their confidence and overcome difficulties, but also enhance the relationship between the two generations, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone.

 

 

 

 

What is the right time for a toddler to lose his temper? 6 tips to help young children control their emotions

How to treat when toddler has temper tantrums? 6 tips to help toddler control their emotions

Written by: Child Psychological Development Association, Psychological
Counselor, Mr. Ching Wai Keung


“Happiness, anger and sadness" are emotions that everyone has, and children are no exception. During the epidemic, parents who work from home and spend a lot of time with their children will naturally have to face moments of tantrum of children. We need to understand that it is very important for children to be able to express their anger in order to develop their autonomy. When a child enters early childhood (around 2 to 3 years old), the developmental crises are “Autonomy vs Shame & Doubt. What we should deal with is the child’s behavior due to emotion, not prohibit or even deny the child’s emotion. To help your child control his emotions, you may refer to the following six tips.

Imitate parents’ expressions of anger

In addition, anger is a common emotion, not only for children, but also for parents. When children try to express their anger, they will use their parents as an object of imitation. When parents are angry with their children, or when parents argue with each other, children will use these behaviors as an important reference for expressing and controlling their emotions (Bandura, 1977). Arguments, malicious taunts, and even violence between parents can heighten a child’s sensitivity to anger and interfere with normal development (Cummings,Pellegrini, Notarius, & Cummings, 1989). Therefore, in order to reduce temper tantrums and control the emotions of children, parents must first pay attention

to their own ways of dealing with each other.

Use tips to solve problems. 6 tips to help toddler control their emotions


What other methods can help toddler control their emotions and reduce the intensity of anger? Berkowitz and Thompson have the following suggestions (Berkowitz, 1973; Thompson, 1990).

1. Ignore offensive behavior.
If the purpose of the child’s tantrum is to get a specific object (e.g., a toy), the parent should not give satisfaction to the child for the behavior, nor should the parent punish the child for the behavior, but should simply not respond.

2. Use of Emotional Corner.
Set up a quiet area in the home without any stimulation or attraction as a quiet area for the child. When the child loses his temper or acts inappropriately, arrange for the child to calm down in the emotional corner. This is not necessarily the same as reprimanding, but rather allows the child to soothe his or her emotions, just as if the child needs to go to the bathroom in an emergency, which is a normal need. If used appropriately, children may naturally go to the mood corner to relieve themselves when they are in the mood in the future, which helps them to control their emotions.

3. to awaken emotions that are incompatible with anger, such as compassion for the victim.


4. reduce exposure to situations or things that may trigger children’s tantrums: when children have not fully developed the ability to control themselves, reducing the chances of children’s tantrums is tantamount to reducing conflicts between parents and children.


5. explaining the consequences of the behavior.

6. examine the causes of the child’s tantrums.

  (Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth, 2003, pp. 197)

The above-mentioned programs are designed for different situations. If a child acts violently towards others out of anger, parents can focus on explaining the consequences and evoking empathy for the victim. If he is angry because he wants to get an object, parents can ignore his negative behavior, etc. Secondly, the above options can be used in combination, for example, when the child has calmed down, the parents can explain the consequences to him again. In the end, of course, it depends on the child’s ability to choose a solution. For example, you spend 10 minutes explaining the consequences to your child before he can talk, it seems to only increase the conflict between the two parties. Once parents have decided on a response strategy for each situation, consistency is the most important thing. Simply put, consistency can be broken down into two levels: First, the same solution will be used for the same behavior, so that the child is not confused by the ignoring strategy one time and the scolding the next. Secondly, each caregiver will use the same solution, thus reinforcing the message to the child that “this behavior is inappropriate”.

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Thousands of lies to avoid doing homework. What should parents do?

Thousands of lies to avoid doing homework. What should parents do?

Written by: Family Dynamics, Psychological Counselor, Lai Shun Mei


Every time a child does homework, he or she falsely claims to have a stomachache, to go to the bathroom, or to go to sleep—thousands of lies and excuses. Parents who value character development are naturally outraged because they have zero tolerance for dishonesty in their children. But why do children always avoid doing their homework? Why do they have to lie to cover it up?

Often, children avoid doing homework not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. Children want to be good and smart, but when they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. When they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. They can’t accept this and will lie to cover it up and avoid it. Generally speaking, children with normal intelligence, but learning disabilities will have their academic performance affected to some degree, but they can perform well in other areas as well. Regardless of their intelligence level, with the right approach and the right amount of training, they will be able to develop the appropriate skills.

But why do people tell lies? When a person feels that he or she is in an uncomfortable situation, he or she will activate the defense mechanism to protect himself or herself. Lying is one of the ways to escape a crisis. If parents want to help their children, they need to give them the courage to tell the truth so that they can understand what their children really don’t understand.

How do you get your child to be brave enough to tell the truth? You need to let your child know that even if he or she is not smart enough, you will still love him or her so much,     take pleasure in him or her, be patient with him or her, and work together to help him or her solve their problems, thus building his or her sense of security and giving him or her the peace of mind to reveal his or her innermost doubts and difficulties. But on the contrary, if his experience makes him think that he is not smart enough, which will lead to his mother’s anger and complaints, he will not dare to tell the truth and even activate his self-protection mechanism to protect himself with lies that adults can uncover at first glance.

Not only will the child be unable to protect himself, but he will also get into more trouble because the mother will be rehabilitated and will admit her fault and promise not to lie again. But in fact, his homework difficulties are not solved, creating a vicious cycle. Therefore, we encourage parents to learn to accept their children’s shortcomings so that they will have confidence in you and feel safe to open up to you.

Why don’t the children want me to be with them again?

                                                    Why don’t the children want me to be with them again?

Written by: Family Dynamics Founder, Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Ng Yee Kam


As a child grows up and interacts with the environment and people around him or her, he or she will gradually develop some feelings. Children will use these feelings to choose what they like or dislike, which is normal development for children. Mom says that her son is beginning to have an opinion, which means that he is expressing these feelings and that he has his own choices. Mom found out that his choice was not to choose herself but to choose Dad to play and read books with him.

There is a possibility that the son likes books and toys, that may not be the kind that his mother chooses, so he slowly begins to think that his mother may not be the right person to play with him. So the content of the play may be one of the reasons. Mothers can try to give their children more space to choose the toys they like to play with when they play with them. For example, sometimes our son likes to read a book, and he may look through it many times, so we can give him some space. Even when he likes it, we can continue to let him read the book, continue to talk to him about the book, and give them some space to choose for themselves!

Another possible reason is attitude. First of all, the mother can observe if she makes the child feel comfortable, happy, and joyful when playing with him, or if she is very nervous when playing and has to worry about him doing this and that—a lot of regulation—or if the mother is always leading him and giving him instructions, or if she unknowingly quizzes him during play: “How do you call this?” and “What color is this?”, “What is this symbol?”, “What is this mark?”

When playing, we need to let go of these so-called educational ideas, we don’t need to be strict and serious, so that we can build a happy and enjoyable experience for our children. Children need to be relaxed when they play. We don’t want to test them, we want them to have their own space and freedom of choice, and this is real play.

Once he chooses what he likes to play with and how he likes to play, Mom can try to observe these two aspects and see if there is room for improvement. At the end of the day, there may be nothing wrong with the mother, but the father is a master at playing games with the children, which is why they love him so much.

Some adults are really attracted to children, and it’s a good thing if fathers can play so well with their children, so mothers really don’t need to be too concerned. If a mother feels lost or depressed because her children do not choose her, she should investigate whether there are aspects of her life that are not as good as she would like, such as feeling lonely, and the company of her son becomes very important to her. If this is the case, the mother needs to address her needs or seek help.

Three steps to teach children to eat on their own

                                                     Three steps to teach children to eat on their own

Written by: Senior Parenting Specialist,Bally


When children go to school, they have to eat on their own. It is not an easy challenge to    teach children to eat well, as they have to eat attentively and refrain from playing with      food. In fact, parents only need three steps to teach their children to eat on their own.


First, parents need to teach their children to eat on their own. Parents are frequently          anxious for their children to finish their meals quickly, fearing that they will not eat and    will have to be fed by their parents. In fact, starting at 6 months of age, children should get used to using their own hands to put food in their mouths, with parents only assisting them.

Parents should let their children pick up the utensils and eat by themselves so that they do  not just get fed but also get a sense of participation and motivation to eat.


Second, help children with hand-eye coordination. Sometimes children may not be able to  hold the utensils properly because of their own hand-eye coordination issues and may be angry and not eat. Parents can use words to remind children how to move the utensils           backwards and forwards, or they can train children’s coordination skills on a daily basis so  that they can cope with the challenges of eating on their own and reduce the difficulties     they encounter.


Third, give praise and encouragement. Children will inevitably encounter difficulties and   frustrations when learning to eat. If parents keep scolding, “Why is it so messy?” “Why do you eat so slowly?” Naturally, children will not be able to enjoy food and will not eat on    their own initiative for fear of being scolded when they see food.

If parents provide encouragement at this time and praise their children when they do, they will continue to be courageous and overcome the frustration of learning to eat. Parents      should also remember that when children are eating on their own, don’t clean up after them, as this will prevent them from trying to eat on their own.

In addition, parents often misunderstand that their children do not eat. In fact, children just don’t like certain dishes, and if parents force them to eat, it forms a vicious cycle.

Don’t be the “audience” for your child’s “acting”

Don’t be the “audience” for your child’s “acting”

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion 

            Lam Ho Pui Yee


Praise is often misunderstood and misused. Some parents think that praise is a “cure-all” medicine and that their children will accept any praise they are given. In fact, children can’t accept sarcastic praise, and it will only turn them off and backfire. Appropriate praise is more effective than harsh punishment. Some comments can be hurtful and can even affect a child’s personality development for the rest of his or her life. Successful parents take advantage of opportunities to praise or encourage their children, as timely and appropriate praise can be motivating and inspiring, enabling children to grow in the right direction.


Smile and make eye contact at the same time

When praising your child, parents must smile and look into your child’s eyes at the same time. Such sincere feelings are the happiest and overflowing. Because praise is a double-edged sword – the right kind of praise will make a person feel confident and happy and move forward, but the wrong kind of praise will make a child lose his or her way and stagnate.

For example, when a child refuses to “sit down”, the parent should say “please sit down” with a matching expression. If the child is willing to comply, the parent can praise him immediately and then play a fun game with him. But if the child still does not comply, the parent can immediately take the child away from the scene to divert attention and guide him to follow instructions. Or when you tell the child to put the toy away, but he still looks at you and tosses the toy, testing to see if you will let him go. You can then say to him in a calm and gentle tone, “Please put the toys away gently,” or “Let’s learn to put away the toys together, okay?

Guide your child to understand that expression is appropriate

Parents don’t have to tolerate their children’s bad behavior and minimize arguing or reassuring remarks, which only gives the child more room to continue “acting out” because they have found an “audience”, and some children may even be aggravated by your ignoring them or getting upset. We need to guide our children to understand that the only way to get what they want is to express themselves in an appropriate way. As long as the parent persists, the child will understand that the behavior will not get the parent’s attention and will naturally give up.

If the child stops this behavior, the parent can respond immediately by praising him for being quiet and then diverting his attention to other activities. Whenever a child receives praise from others, he or she will naturally exude confidence and joy, as well as a sense of trust and affection for the person who praised him or her. However, the repetition of a single form of praise over time can be ineffective, so parents should be careful to be creative in their praise.


Pay attention to the tone of voice and lead by example

Children are a gift from God, and it is only through love that other aspects of accomplishment do not become a form of bragging and pride. The difference in the tone of voice is enough to affect the parent-child relationship of detachment or closeness. Parents’ emotions and behaviors are related to their children’s future learning attitudes and personality traits. Because children mostly learn by groping and imitation, children will observe their parents’ treatment of others and use of words and phrases to learn their own emotional management and interpersonal relationships, so the importance of parents leading by example cannot be ignored. Even a hug, a smile or a look can establish a kind of appreciation. Parents are far more influential to children than teachers or peers. The more encouragement a child receives as they grow, the better it will be for their future development.

Each child has different characteristics, and parents should observe and explore their potential, allowing them to develop according to their strengths. “Encouragement helps children to grow, while scolding makes them timid. But the two must go hand in hand and not be biased.” Only through a clear distinction between rewards and punishments can children feel loved by their parents and know how to face mistakes and take responsibility for their own development.

Three characteristics to let you know whether you are a “monster parent”?

Three characteristics to let you know whether you are a “monster parent”?

Written by: Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

          Dr. Tik Chi-yuen


Although parenting is a natural duty, it is not “inborn to take duty”. Previously, I discussed with senior government officials the current difficulties of parents and how to effectively promote parent education.During the discussion, we all felt that parent education should be strengthened because parents are becoming more and more “monsterized”, resulting in high pressure on parents and heavy burden on children.


If parents want to determine whether they are “monster parents”, they can assess in three aspects.

  • First,are you always worried about your child losing at the starting line, so you ask your child to learn more and practice more?
  • Second, do you often worry about your children doing wrong, afraid that they face failure, so give children a variety of protection?
  • Third, do you often feel stressed by your children’s studies and daily life, worrying that your children will not do well in everything, so you are emotionally disturbed?

One of the problems with “monster parents” is that they focus too much on their children’s performance, especially in terms of academics and grades. In fact, there are more important things we should be concerned about, and that is the parent-child relationship. Parents and children are meant to have a mutual emotional relationship, not a ministry relationship. In the family, we talk more about love and affection rather than dictations, tests, and exams. Having a good parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of healthy growth for our children.

“Baked in sweat” when fever. Does sweating help reduce fever?

“Baked in sweat” when fever. Does sweating help reduce fever?

Written by : Dr Chiu Cheung Shing


There are some “folk wisdoms” about dealing with fever, and the most commonly heard one is that if you are “baked in sweat” when you have a fever, you will naturally get better. However, is there any medical basis and effectiveness for this saying?


In fact, sweating will never cure any disease, and there is no medical basis for this claim. Although some children can get rid of fever after “being baked in  sweat”, 4 out of 100 children may have higher body temperature and cramps due to “be baked in sweat”, and even if the fever goes down, the disease is not cured.


What are the effective ways to dissipate heat?

There are several ways to dissipate heat are very effective. The first method is based on Physic principles, such as not letting the child wear too much clothes to help dissipate the heat. The second method is to bathe your child in warm or lukewarm water. In addition, your child can be given oral antipyretics as directed by your doctor. When your child has a high fever and vomits badly, some anal plugs can also be used to reduce fever.

In the long run, once the child’s condition has stabilized, he or she needs to drink more water because each drink increases the amount of urine, which naturally helps to dissipate fever and detoxify the body.

“No!” “Not allowed!” “No!” Does it really work?

                                                        “No!” “Not allowed!” “No!” Does it really work?

Written by : Child Behavioral Emotional Therapist
           Ip Wai Lun

Many times, parents get angry because their children don’t follow the rules or challenge some bottom line. For example, if a parent doesn’t want a child to touch something, the parent will just say, “Hey! Don’t touch it!” and “No!” and “Stop”, the child will hear many of these “No! and “No! In fact, this will often make children feel that they have done something wrong, which in turn will undermine their confidence and make them avoid doing things in the future.

As a parent, what can you do to make your child follow the rules without undermining his self-confidence? What kind of talking skills can parents use?

For example, if a child is angry and his face is red, we can use the following “three-step” approach.

 

Part I: Say How He Feels

“Mommy and Daddy see how angry you are ……”

“Look at your red face. ……”

Parents can try to help their children say how they feel. This is the first and most important step.

 

Part 2: Setting boundaries

When a child has a temper tantrum and may hit someone, parents should immediately set a line: “Okay, we can’t hurt others. Help him to set a compliance line.

 

Part 3: Arranging a platform for diversion

If the child has already hit someone, the parent should arrange a platform for the child to channel the anger.

For example, the parent can say, “Oh! I see you are so angry that your face is red and you want to hit someone! Why don’t you show Daddy how angry you are? “Why don’t you hit this shark doll?”

Maybe the child will say, “Yes, okay! and then hit the shark doll. At this point, the parent should tell the child, “Oh, Daddy is really angry to see you.

By allowing the child to express his or her emotions, the child will understand that when he or she has negative emotions, they won’t be accepted by the parents. If parents use the above three steps, not only will they accept their children’s negative emotions, but they will also not condone their misbehavior, and most importantly, children will learn to follow the rules.

Caring for children with special needs is not a psychological stress for parents to ignore

Caring for children with special needs is not a psychological stress for parents to ignore

 

Written by: Family Dynamics Counseling Psychologist

             Shelly Mok

 

Fai is a boy who is very good at drawing. He likes to draw his own comic characters, but all his characters do not have eyes, ears, mouth and nose. All of his characters, male or female, with long or short hair, have thick hair covering their ears and foreheads. These characters are like a mirror, reflecting his inner world. He does not want to communicate with others in depth, but just wants to do what he likes quietly.

 

When I first invited him to introduce his comic book protagonists, he said that his characters do not have mouths because no matter what they say, no one will listen to them, so they do not speak; they do not have eyes because they do not want to see what is happening in the world; they do not have ears because no one will listen to what he says. Even the sound of the crowd annoys him, so he prefers to be alone. Other than these few words, he did not respond to any other questions I had.It was heartbreaking to listen to this P5 boy and look at his big eyes. At such a young age, he already had to close his heart and give up the opportunity to build positive relationships with others.

 

When Fai was in Primary 4, he was determined to have dyslexia. His parents brought him to see me not for any training, but to deal with the tension and low self-image that had accumulated between him and his parents for quite some time. From the first grade, he faced many academic challenges, such as often failing in dictation, not finishing his homework until 11:00 p.m. every night, not listening to his parents’ instructions, and not finishing his exam papers. The family and he had a lot of friction and conflict over the grade. He was labeled as lazy, irresponsible and inattentive. Even though his parents later learned that he had dyslexia, it was hard for them to let go of their expectations of him, especially his mother.

 

In fact, Fai is not lazy. When I observed the way he played the game and did the beauty work in the game room, I knew that he is a person who has great demands on himself. In the face of failure, he would try again and again until he was satisfied. For a child who has been frustrated in his studies, even in a non-academic field, it takes extraordinary inner resources to persist in trying without fear of difficulties and learning from his own failures. As a bystander, I can clearly see his strengths, and I am inspired by his inner strength.

 

However, the parents’ feelings about Fai’s situation were very complicated. They were so stressed out by their constant worries, sadness, expectations, and disappointments that it was hard for them to see and hear Fai’s efforts and heartfelt voices, so it is no wonder that the protagonists of Fai’s comics live in a world without eyes, ears, mouth, and nose. However, the guilt and helplessness of Fai’s parents also prompted them to ask me for help. As parents, they really need time and space to face their own pain and accept that their children are different from others. Not to mention, they only have one child, Fai.

In the process of working with Fai, I also made several appointments with his parents to help them understand more about the challenges and inner world that Fai was facing, and to help them transition and accept his complex emotions. Later, Fai’s mother told me that Fai was actually very hardworking and struggled with his homework for so long every night because he did not want to give up and insisted on finishing all his homework. Even though his parents told him to forget about it, he insisted on not going to sleep. Therefore, I also said that they were really lucky that Fai did not give up in the face of huge learning difficulties. His mother was stunned after hearing this – it seems that they are starting to see and hear Ah Fai.

 

Parenting can be the most challenging and unpredictable experience in the world, but it can also be the most satisfying and meaningful thing in life. Parents of children with special needs are faced with extraordinary stress and emotional complexity. These emotions are like a thick fog that prevents parents from seeing and hearing the inner world of their children. At the same time, they cannot see or hear their own inner world, thus isolating the communication between parents and children. As a counseling psychologist, an important part of my job is to help parents clear the clouds so that they can see the moon.